5 Tips for Therapists Seeking Their Own Therapist

For the general public, one of the biggest roadblocks to tapping into therapy is that the first match isn’t always going to be “The One,” i.e. the therapist who is just right for you. This is just as true for working therapists seeking their own therapists.

“To me, finding the right therapist is a lot like dating. It’s going to take a while to find the right person to be totally vulnerable with,” says psychotherapist Dana Carreta-Stein, LMHC, owner of Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling in Scarsdale, New York. Therapy seekers “almost feel obligated if they meet with someone who isn’t a good fit. They don’t know that they can try somebody else.”

How to find your own therapist when you are a therapist 

If you’re a therapist or mental health practitioner starting your journey seeking your own therapist, here are five tips to find a match who will support you, from therapists who have done it themselves.

1. Use your existing network

As a therapist, you’re likely to have a professional network of colleagues who understand your work and know what you do. 

While those in your network are a great resource for client referrals, you’ll want to look a little further when seeking a therapist for yourself. 

Colleagues who know you well enough may be able to point you in the direction of therapists in their network that may be a good fit for you.

“You may come across a skilled therapist who aligns with your preferences and beliefs and is far enough away from your work circle to ensure privacy,” notes Lana Lipe, LCSW, owner of Honu Therapy Services in Honolulu, Hawaii.

If possible, try to leverage your network to locate therapists who have experience counseling other therapists. It isn’t a widely available submarket, but connecting with someone who knows where you’re coming from can support you in leaps and bounds. 

“Therapists who have experience treating other therapists tend to better understand the unique stressors and challenges that come with the profession—things like compassion fatigue, vicarious trauma, burnout, ethical dilemmas, boundary crossings, and violations,” says Los Angeles clinical psychologist Annia Raja, PhD.

2. Explore modalities

Every day, you may approach clients with a specific kind of therapeutic philosophy, or practice.

The therapeutic modalities you utilize in your practice may inform the kind of therapy you’re seeking for yourself. “You may seek out someone who’s either aligned with [your practice] or totally different from it,” notes Raja.

You’re going to have a smoother journey trying to find a therapist if you’re seeking out a professional within a specialization, so do your research about what kind of therapy is right for you and narrow your search accordingly. For example, you may consider eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or somatic options. 

But the list doesn’t end there. Explore the various therapeutic modalities that you may or may not practice yourself to get a sense of which type may align with your goals.

3. Determine your boundaries

It can feel tempting to see a therapist who may be a friend or a colleague. 

While there are significant perks to this type of arrangement, there are boundary concerns that you’ll need to examine before fully committing to this route.

“The potential for blurred boundaries is important to consider,” says Lipe. “Dual relationships can be ethically complicated and have the potential to compromise both the therapeutic process and the professional relationship.”

Raja, for the most part, agrees. “This is not a hard-and-fast rule, but in general, I tend to advise against starting therapy from someone who you already know within your immediate professional network,” she says. “A therapist who doesn’t know you professionally can approach your situation with a clean slate of fresh perspectives—free from any preconceived notions or opinions.”

If you’re making both the time and financial investment to work with a therapist, you’re going to want to develop a therapeutic alliance with the therapist you choose. It’s up to you to determine if a pre-existing relationship with your therapist will inhibit you from freely expressing your thoughts and concerns. 

Spend time reflecting and analyzing whether any preexisting social or professional relationship could be compromised as a result of adding a therapeutic component, and, most importantly, whether it will foster or limit your personal growth goals. 

4. Practice what you preach

Your professional goal is to try to help clients get to the root of their troubles and eventually lead happy, healthy lives. Practicing self-care, awareness, and self-compassion are big pieces of that puzzle, and if you can’t live by the same example, what message does that send your clients?

“There’s a huge proportion of therapists who don’t work on their own stuff, don’t go to therapy, and it [ends up causing] harm,” says Carreta-Stein.

Unfortunately, a harmful therapeutic relationship can contribute to stigmatizing therapy. If a client works with a therapist who has their own agenda, it’s a bad experience for the client, and can tarnish their impression of the industry as a whole. Anecdotal experiences of bad therapy can often have a ripple effect, not only affecting the client, but those in their circle—preventing others from seeking mental health services. 

Care needs are cyclical: both therapist and client  need to have their own space to process their lives—to afford others the courtesy of hearing them openly.

When, as a therapist, “you have your own [unresolved] stuff,you [can] end up in a codependent relationship with your client, instead of helping them,” says Carreta-Stein. “Helping people [becomes] people-pleasing [and] that can be a really dark place” to practice therapy from, explains Carreta-Stein.

It’s worth noting that in some fields, like psychodynamic and psychoanalytic specialties, seeing a therapist as a therapist is very normalized. But for other mental health specialties, it’s not a common practice. 

It’s up to you to push the needle forward and practice what you preach to your clients. Take care of yourself first, so you can provide the best care for your clients.

5. Trust yourself

At the end of the day, you’re trained to provide a vital service to clients. If something feels off, or you don’t feel like your therapist is serving you, trust yourself. Find other options. 

Listen to your gut instincts to know what does and doesn’t work for you. Some of those gut-reactions may be personal or logistical, but either way, you’re the best judge of the kind of therapy that works for you.

“I know from my own experience [that] when I was looking for different therapists… my therapist wasn’t very progressive, and I am,” says Carreta-Stein. “She [also] didn’t know what a private practice was, so I chose not to work with her because she didn’t get my life [as a business owner].” 

At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that you’re an insider. You know many of the core therapeutic principles that should guide the process. 

“You deserve the same level of care that you offer to your clients,” concludes Lipe.

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