Overcoming Generational Trauma to Thrive in Private Practice

As I build relationships with other therapists in my coaching business, one of my favorite things is hearing why they got into private practice. 

So, I’m going to ask that you take a moment to grab a pen and paper, close your eyes, and allow yourself to really get curious about why you got into private practice. 

Was it financial freedom? Was it due to your previous employment site that expected you to see 40 clients for $20 an hour? Did you want creative freedom to add more into your schedule than just seeing clients? 

Whatever your reason, I would love for you to take a minute and check in on the temperature of your business. How is it going? 

If you answered something along the lines of: I work too much, I’m not making enough money, I am intellectually understimulated in my work, or I’m missing community, you’re not alone. 

My next question is always, “OK, so you aren’t where you want to be, but you got into this business for a reason. What’s keeping you from creating the business you want? “

I always get excited to share my story with folks to normalize that not only can you have a private practice that is hugely impactful, but also one that is thriving and fuels the lifestyle you dream of. You just have to get past the unfinished business that’s holding you back.

What is generational trauma?

The root cause of many private practice owners’ lack of movement forward is generational trauma. 

Generational trauma is trauma that is passed down from generation to generation. 

Perhaps your grandparents grew up in poverty and raised your dad with the mentality of being frugal and working hard. Then he raised you with similar values, which left you with an emotionally absent parent and a scarcity mindset. 

It’s possible this has impacted your dating relationships, your ability to assert your wants and needs, your capacity to ask for help, and your self-esteem. And it certainly impacts your business as you may struggle to delegate, go after what you want, and see failure as being a personal reflection of who you are instead of a healthy part of growing a business. 

The specific transmission of trauma between generations is referred to as transgenerational trauma. Another type of generational trauma that may be impactful is referred to as intergenerational trauma. 

Intergenerational trauma is trauma that focuses on the relationship between a caregiver and their child. Think of it as generational trauma that is specifically taking place within one generation. While different from one another, both types of trauma can impact your relationship with your business. 

How can generational trauma impact your business?

One of the key signs that your generational trauma is impacting your business is knowing you need to make a change—and knowing how to make the change—but you’re afraid of doing it, so you freeze rather than process it in a productive way. 

Identifying your niche

For example, say you know it’s time to hire a business coach to support you in identifying your niche as a business owner, so you can drop insurance and raise your rate. 

However, every time you go to reach out to someone you vibe with, you freeze up and avoid it. You tell yourself you aren’t going to be able to actually niche down and you’re a bad therapist to even be interested in doing so. 

What could be happening “under the hood” is that you have been raised in a family that taught you that the only way to get validation and be seen as “good enough” is to put other people’s needs ahead of your own, leading you to be afraid to set healthy boundaries for yourself. 

If you stay surface level with this concern and simply “push” yourself to reach out to the coach, this wound from generational trauma is inevitably going to impact the business you are building. 

Setting rates

While you move forward with your business, this same belief will impact your ability to set the rate you actually need to set in order to meet your needs. This inevitably leads to not setting healthy boundaries, thus not setting a healthy example for your clients. 

Burnout

You may show up to sessions burned out and not at your best when you could have avoided this by simply setting an appropriate limit and holding to it. This unhealthy dynamic—characterized by fear, unmet needs, and lack of asserting your boundaries—is the definition of codependency. The bottom line is not only are you affected by not addressing your unfinished business, but you can also negatively impact your clinical work and clients. 

Part of why this unfinished business is so challenging to overcome is because it has altered our brain structure and chemistry, impacting areas of the brain such as the amygdala (involved in emotional processing) and the hippocampus (involved in memory and learning). 

This can lead to impairments in  regulating emotions, tolerating stress, difficulties with memory, and overall cognitive functioning. All of these are vital to building a healthy business, which requires learning new skills, putting yourself out there, and tolerating rejection. 

The beauty of any family trauma is that it can, in fact, be healed. As we actively grieve our experiences, tend to our nervous system, and engage in new patterns of behavior that are reflective of our present circumstances, we allow our systems to heal and move forward.

How addressing generational trauma can help your business thrive

Most folks will argue that business and personal life don’t mix—and to an extent, I agree. While I would never work with a family member, I do believe the personal is professional. If we ignore our family trauma that is playing a role in our day-to-day relationships, then we do a disservice to our business, which we are in constant relationship with. 

Create the business you want

For starters, doing this work will allow you to really begin to dream up the sort of business that you want.

Does it include seeing clients until you retire because your heart is fulfilled by the clinical work we get to do? Maybe you want to incorporate speaking and writing into your days because you’re creative at heart. Or perhaps your days are short because you dream of spending most of your day at home raising your babies. 

As a private practice owner, you are the creator of your universe when it comes to building your business.I’m a firm believer that the more passionate you are about your business, the stronger an example you are setting for your clients by showing them what it looks like to live a life in alignment. 

Sustainable growth

Additionally, by addressing your generational trauma, you are going to have a more sustainable and more abundant business. And abundance can mean whatever you want it to mean. 

Not everyone is looking for financial abundance in the season they are in. Perhaps they are looking for an abundance of time, health, emotional regulation, creativity, or joy. 

As I prepare for my second baby, I am more concerned with the freedom to take care of myself, be at home with my toddler, and prepare my mind and home to welcome our new little one. For this season, because I meet these needs and pay my bills, I am living in luxury. 

Furthermore, by building a business built on psychological freedom, you are also ensuring that your business practices will be sustainable. Rather than offering too many sliding scale slots and then burning out and having to pivot, you will be able to hold onto a system that works for you long term until you actually want to pivot. This helps you drive your business forward with autonomy and freedom vs. your unconscious family trauma wounds. 

How to overcome generational trauma in your private practice

While there are no quick steps for breaking generational trauma, there is a general cadence that you can adopt that will help you recognize where you are getting stuck so you can decide how to move forward. 

Take a quick inventory of your limiting beliefs

By far, the top limiting belief I hear with the clients I coach is imposter syndrome or fear of inadequacy. I hear from therapists over and over that they aren’t ready to raise their rates or charge their full rate and they won’t be ready until they take X, Y, and Z training. 

I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to earn self-care. Here’s how to create an affordable and sustainable self-care plan for therapists.

You are inherently worthy of being cared for. And it’s healthy to do things that are scary. 

Nervous energy doesn’t mean something is wrong, it means it’s important. 

Here are a few other examples of limiting beliefs I see commonly being held by therapists:

• Money mindset limitations: “I can’t charge that because people can’t pay that amount” or “I don’t really need all of that money and people will think I’m greedy if I charge that amount.”
  
• Difficulty setting boundaries: “If I hold my cancellation policy, then people will think I’m mean and won’t come back to see me” or “I have to offer a later time slot otherwise my business will go under.”
  
• Unwillingness to adapt to new trends: “It’s always been done this way and I’m not changing it now.”

Examine how these beliefs are replicating wounds from your childhood 

Specifically, think about your relationships with mom and dad. 

Anyone else receive validation through their achievements versus who they are inherently? 

Me too. 

And it can show in your business. 

Look to see where you inherited this belief that you have to do X in order to get Y. 

The reality is that if you’re willing to get uncomfortable and ask for help, you can most certainly create anything you would like in your business. You are both your greatest limitation and your greatest asset. 

Imagine what you would tell yourself if you were your client 

Very meta, I know, but it can be helpful. Since most of us are functional adults when we are in the therapist chair, we can lose connection with this version of ourselves—someone in need of healing and growth—as we move through the world elsewhere. Intentionally channeling this piece of ourselves can help.

If you’re still finding yourself in the same rut, it’s time to call in for reinforcements. This may be your own therapist to help resolve your generational trauma wounds, hiring a business coach, or both if you are looking for a holistic, well-rounded support system. 

Remember, you cannot expect sustainable and meaningful change without getting an outside opinion—especially if you haven’t invested in business education. We cannot learn to speak a new language without having heard it first. 

If you allow it, your business has the capacity to be a phenomenal catalyst for healing your generational trauma and ushering in a life of freedom and creativity. It only takes a few seconds of courage to make a decision that will propel you forward. Invest in you. Your future self and younger you are counting on you. 

How SimplePractice streamlines running your practice

SimplePractice is HIPAA-compliant practice management software with everything you need to run your practice built into the platform—from booking and scheduling to insurance and client billing.

If you’ve been considering switching to an EHR system, SimplePractice empowers you to run a fully paperless practice—so you get more time for the things that matter most to you.

Try SimplePractice free for 30 days. No credit card required.