How to Ask Another Therapist to Be Your Mentor

Navigating a career as a therapist can be rewarding and invigorating. But it can also be overwhelming and confusing. 

Since many practitioners run their own private practices, working in the field of behavioral health can lead to loneliness and burnout because it’s challenging to forge connections with fellow clinicians when you’re a team of one. 

A mentor can be a partner in navigating the health and wellness industry, and mentors are key to career success.

Seventy-seven percent of women practitioners who responded to SimplePractice’s February 2023 survey agree having a great mentor is essential to career growth.

If you’re interested in finding a mentor, one of the questions on your mind is likely: How do you ask another therapist to be your mentor? 

Step one is asking yourself what you want to get out of the relationship before even having that first conversation with a mentor.

Saba Harouni Lurie, LMFT, ATR-BC, the owner and founder of Take Root Therapy, recommends asking yourself questions about whether you need help building a practice, creating a better work-life balance, or gaining confidence as a clinician—to name a few. 

Once you have a better idea of what you want to acquire as a mentee, you can more easily identify the qualities you want in a potential mentor (and what you’ll want to avoid). 

Qualities to Look For in a Potential Mentor

While there are many accomplished therapists, career success isn’t the only thing to consider when deciding who to ask. 

“I would give someone looking for a mentor the same guidance I give people looking for a therapist,” said Dr. Craig Kain, a psychologist with a private practice in Long Beach, California.  “The most important thing is a good fit.” 

Each practitioner might have different qualities they’re seeking in a mentor. 

According to Lurie and Kain, some questions to ask yourself include:

• Do I want a mentor on the same professional path as me? 
• Do I want help exploring a different specialty? 
• What character traits do I want in a mentor? 
• Do I want a mentor who works in the same setting I do?
• How often do I want to meet with my mentor?
• Do I care if we meet online or in person?  

You may wish to seek out a mentor from a similar cultural, racial, ethnic, or socioeconomic background.

In the SimplePractice mentorship survey, nearly half of all practitioners reported identity is important when selecting a mentor, more than half (65 percent) of all BIPOC respondents said identity is important in choosing a mentor, while a majority (83 percent) of Black respondents said identity is important in a mentor. 

For instance, connecting as over their shared identity as women of color allowed therapists Prerna Rao, MA, LMFT, and Valeri Trezise, LMFT, EMDRIA AC, CEO at Be Still Psychotherapy, to develop the kind of mutually-beneficial symbiotic mentorship that helped each woman earn from the other. 

“There are no right or wrong answers to these questions,” said Kain. “In the same way, there are no right or wrong qualities to look for. We just need to find a therapist whose qualities match the ones we’re looking for in a mentor. What’s important to one person may not be important to another.” 

Do you need a prior relationship with your potential mentor? 

The short answer is no. You don’t need to have a previous foundation. 

Some therapists may prefer to know the person they’re mentoring quite well, while others may like the idea of starting a mentorship fresh. 

If you don’t know the other therapist personally, do your research: “Look at their website, read publications they’ve authored, and check out articles or interviews they may have been featured in,” said Kain. “Talk to people who know them, or better yet, someone they’ve mentored in the past.” 

When you reach out to someone by email, be clear that you’re seeking a mentor, as they may see your message and assume you’re job searching. 

How to Connect With Other Therapists

If you prefer to get to know someone before officially asking them to be your mentor, there are plenty of ways to meet other therapists. 

According to Joyce Marter, LCPC, licensed psychotherapist and author of The Financial Mindset Fix: A Mental Fitness Program for an Abundant Life, ideas for connecting with fellow therapists include:

• Join your professional association and become involved in membership activities. Meet people in your area by getting involved at the local or state level. If you have the time, volunteer or work at a conference. 
• Join online listserv or social media groups for therapists in your geographic area or who specialize in your area of interest. Make sure to post and engage. Nobody likes a silent lurker.
• Attend continuing education training. If you’re comfortable going in person, you can ask others to get coffee during a break. Swap business cards and LinkedIn info and reach out with a professional note post-conference. 
• Get involved in your graduate training program’s alumni association and network. They will likely have in-person and virtual events. 

Lurie pointed out that some therapist associations may even offer mentoring programs, though she cautions fellow therapists to be wary of any programs that ask for an up-front cost. According to Lurie, traditionally, mentor-mentee relationships are mutually beneficial and do not require a financial obligation.  

How to Ask Another Therapist to be Your Mentor

So you’ve narrowed down the type of mentor you’re seeking. You’ve networked, and researched. Now it’s time for the big moment:—asking another therapist to be your mentor. 

“If the person you’d like as your mentor is already established as an advisor, like a professor or a supervisor,” said Lurie. “Then it may be easy to ask if they would be open to serving as your mentor as a natural extension of your pre-existing relationship.”. 

Do keep in mind that a private practitioner with many established responsibilities may also be too busy to take on additional commitments. Be courteous when you ask, and be courteous if they say “no.”

Other times, you may find yourself in a mentor-mentee relationship naturally without ever having formally asked your mentor or defining the mentorship.. 

“Some therapists may develop relationships with peers or colleagues who provide support and advice, but they never define the relationship as a mentor-mentee relationship, even if one component of the relationship is mentorship,” said Lurie. “Sometimes the support and help can be mutual, and there is no need for a conversation defining the relationship.” 

Tips for asking them to be your mentor:

• Maintain self-awareness when you ask. State clearly that you’re aware they are likely busy and avoid coming off entitled to their time, recommended Marter. 
• Be complimentary. This is the time to flatter your potential mentor. Tell them what about their work you admire and—if you have the bandwidth—offer to help them with any projects they have coming up.   
• Be clear about the time commitment you seek from them. “Let them know you would appreciate any bit of mentoring they can offer, no matter how small. It may be a 30-minute zoom meeting, a one-time coffee, a quarterly check-in, an annual lunch at a professional conference, or similar,” says Marter. It may be a good idea to seek out multiple mentors if someone has limited time to give you. 

If you don’t already know the therapist you don’t know appears to be a good choice, consider asking for an informational interview, said Kain. 

Offer to buy them a cup of coffee if you live near each other or, otherwise, meet virtually on Zoom or video chat. This allows you to ask questions and determine whether this therapist would be a good fit as your mentor. 

From the other side of the table, Kain explained, it gives your prospective mentor a better sense of who you are and what they could expect from you as a mentee. 

Don’t expect or push for an immediate answer when you ask. 

“Give them time to reflect on your request and come back to you with an answer, so they can be honest with themselves and you about their availability and desire to make this type of commitment,” says Lurie. 

Be Courteous if They Turn You Down

As we mentioned: You may hear a “no” when asking another therapist to be your mentor. 

A lack of free time or not feeling like you are the right personality match are just some of the reasons that a practitioner may turn down the request to mentor you. 

If they say no, be graceful and thank them for considering it. 

“Better that they said no rather than overextending themselves, which would result in you becoming disappointed with them and them becoming resentful,” said Marter. “Do not take it personally.” 

Unless specifically instructed otherwise, keep in touch through sites like LinkedIn or mutual associations.

Most importantly, don’t take this as a sign you’re out of luck, said Marter. Continue reaching out to other therapists, and eventually, you’ll find the right mentor for you.

Grow Your Practice—and Career—With SimplePractice

To support practitioners in connecting and finding mentors, SimplePractice launched a new mentorship pilot program to help pair health and wellness mentors with fellow practitioners seeking mentorship.

And, when it comes to building and managing your practice, another tip that can help you level-up and simplify your administrative work is using a practice management system like SimplePractice.

The preferred practice management software for more than 160,000  practitioners, SimplePractice has all the features you need to effectively run your practice—including billing, scheduling, insurance, and a secure client portal—all combined in one easy-to-use platform.

Want to experience how SimplePractice can help you more effectively build and manage your private practice? Sign up for a free 30-day trial today.

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