Common Pitfalls With Mentors

Regardless of the career stage you’re in, private practice can feel lonely at times. And, this can be especially true for new practitioners. 

Everyone needs advice, support, or a little motivation. If you don’t already have a community of like-minded colleagues, finding a great mentor can be a helpful solution.

Alas, not every mentor will be a great fit for you and your specific needs. 

When choosing a mentor, it’s important to consider who will be a good fit for you—and when it’s time to find someone new. 

Be aware of these common mentor pitfalls.

3 Mistakes When Choosing a Mentor

Many people, especially those in the early stages of their careers, have very little experience choosing a mentor. 

In those cases, you may find yourself entering into a mentor relationship that may not be right for you. 

Take your time, and be mindful of these common mistakes: 

1. Trying to Force a Relationship

Effective mentoring happens organically. That doesn’t mean you necessarily need to have known them for years, but some established history can make for a stronger jumping-off point. If you approach someone you don’t know very well, it can take a while to build up a working relationship and adapt to each other’s needs and strengths. 

2. Forgetting to Keep an Open Mind

If you have a preconceived notion of the kind of person you think a mentor should be, now’s the time to drop it. You should have basic guidelines for your search—like values or a cultural background you want to share. But you should also view new relationships with an open mind. You may find that the best person to mentor you is younger than you expected, or a man when you pictured a woman. 

3. Assuming a “Good Mentor” Is the Same for Everyone

It’s a personal process picking a mentor. Everyone’s different, so a relationship that was working for your friend or your colleague may not have the same benefits for you. If you take your time picking someone or build on an already existing relationship, you’ll have a better chance of success. 

Think back to when you first approached your mentor. 

Did you rush into your relationship, or pick someone purely based on one person’s opinion? 

Be honest in your recap.

Red Flags to Watch Out for With Mentors 

A mentoring relationship is really just human connection at its core, and you should treat it like one. 

If your gut is telling you something’s off, listen to it. It may be time to move on, especially if you’re noticing any of these red flags. 

They Don’t Own Their Past Mistakes

Mistakes don’t automatically disqualify someone from being a good mentor. Actually, a lot of the best lessons are learned through failure. If they don’t take ownership for their mistakes though—or don’t offer any evidence that they learned from them—they may not be best suited for a mentorship role. 

They Don’t Realize Their Limitations

There’ll be certain aspects of your career that your mentor may not be able to advise on. Nobody knows everything, and to claim otherwise is just untrue. A good mentor will be able to recognize when they’re out of their depth, and feel comfortable saying, “I don’t know.” They should be able to set aside their own ego, so they can be a reliable resource for you. 

They Don’t Invite—or Accept—Feedback

Although a successful mentoring relationship will offer something to both you and your mentor, ultimately the role of your mentor is to help you. Your mentor should regularly be checking in with you and seeking feedback to make sure you feel like your needs are being met. And if they don’t seek out that feedback, they should still be open to hearing it if you bring it up yourself. 

Take a minute to reflect on your time with your mentor. Are you seeing a lot of these red flags? Do you feel like you’re not making the progress you want to make? 

If your mentor isn’t a fit or isn’t helping you grow, it may be time to find a new one.

How to Break up With Your Mentor

Like in any relationship, honesty is essential. If you know that you’re done working with your mentor, you need to let them know sooner rather than later. Prolonging your exit conversation doesn’t serve either one of you.  

Even if things aren’t going particularly well between you, to leave without any warning could reflect poorly on you. Maintain a professional reputation in your field, regardless of how you may feel about your mentor. 

Nobody likes a breakup, and speaking the truth to an authority figure can be difficult. 

If you feel especially nervous, prepare what you’re going to say beforehand. Practice the conversation with someone you trust. 

Here are some common reasons that might help you to explain: 

• I don’t feel like our schedules are compatible, and I’m looking for someone who can accommodate more face-to-face meetings with me. 
• I don’t feel like we communicate in the same way, and I need to find someone I can speak freely with. 
• I need to work with someone who better understands my background/culture/family situation. 
• I’m moving my career in a new direction, and I feel like I need a different perspective in this next stage of my career.

Hopefully, your mentor will take your announcement in stride and wish you well in future endeavors. 

No matter how much you may dread having the breakup conversation, maintaining a relationship that doesn’t nurture you would be worse. 

Hopefully, this article has helped you to spot and address any common mentor pitfalls.

Your decision to stay with a mentor—or not, as the case may be—should solely be based on what helps you be the best practitioner possible.

Grow Your Practice—and Career—With SimplePractice

To support practitioners in connecting and finding mentors, SimplePractice launched a new mentorship pilot program to help pair health and wellness mentors with fellow practitioners seeking mentorship.

And, when it comes to building and managing your practice, another tip that can help you level-up and simplify your administrative work is using a practice management system like SimplePractice.
The preferred practice management software for more than 200,000  practitioners, SimplePractice has all the features you need to effectively run your practice—including billing, scheduling, insurance, and a secure client portal—all combined in one easy-to-use platform.

Experience how SimplePractice can help you more effectively build and manage your private practice: Sign up for a free 30-day trial today.

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