When Therapists Forget They’re Human

30-seconds left on the clock. Each player pushes their way forward, dribbling a basketball towards the winning hoop. They’ve been at this for what feels like forever, sweat pooling at the back of their neck, bones heavy, exhaustion pinching their stomach in pain. Five seconds left. Four, then three. 

But the buzzer never rings. Instead, the clock blinks—60 minutes left. The game isn’t over. Their bodies can’t push much longer, so close to collapsing, but it’s still time to move, time to dribble, time to keep running—again, and again, and again. 

As I think about what it has been like to simply exist these past few years, I imagine myself like these basketball players: worn out from fighting for so long, yet still expected to continue playing. Caught in the wake of endless mass-casualties, political unrest, racial injustice, and inflation, the world has catapulted deep into tension and collective trauma that I’m desperate to see how we fix.   

This exhaustion has created a fertile ground for burnout, which often includes a loss of motivation, disengagement, and frustration. These symptoms may also leave us feeling guilty, resentful, and irritated, in addition to being flooded by imposter syndrome. We may struggle to maintain a realistic understanding of our abilities and often only notice the days we feel so unlike ourselves, because who are we if we’re not always supportive, empathetic humans?

How to Remind Yourself You’re Human

It’s time to do away with the expectation that we as helping professionals—because we’re inherently generous with our empathy and care—have been called to hold the weight of the world. 

Can we take a second to acknowledge how stressful our jobs are? They require us to fully submit our physical, emotional, and mental energy to different people every hour. Then we shut each session in a chest at the back of our minds to do the same for the people in our private lives. 

Seems a lot like a never-ending basketball game, right? 

So how can we truly take a break from all of it? When we’re so tired, so burnt out from juggling it all, what can we do? 

Acknowledge your needs 

How many times have you told your clients that they’re doing great because they showed up to therapy on time? How many times have you reassured them about how valuable they are after spilling their secrets to you? Bazillions, I’m sure, because you really believe it. What makes you different? What would suggest you’re not worth the same amount of mercy and care? 

Think about everything you do in a day. You’ve been a light for so many people in your life. Take a minute to think about how impactful that has been for you. Now, take a second to think about how others have been showing up for you. Has this been equally fulfilling? 

Give yourself permission to need others and want their support. Attention is not a bad word! In fact, it’s great to have a circle of people you can rely on to be both silly and serious with. It’s also great to join online therapist support and consultation groups, since you’ll be free to ask questions and gain insight from people who get it. 

Actively choose where your energy will go

While you want to be more open to making friends or maintaining the relationships you have, still remember to be picky with your energy and where you leave it. Since you’re more than likely incredibly busy, it’s hard to find time for things that don’t involve fulfilling some sort of responsibility. How much time are you leaving for you?

Look at it this way: time is money. Think of a 24-hour day as $1. A dollar is 4 quarters, or if you prefer, 10 dimes. How would you divide your dollar to spend it wisely? The same is true of your time. Are you separating your day into multiple micro-goals (like the dimes), bigger tasks (like the quarters), or one huge project that takes up all your time (your whole dollar)? 

Tasks typically seem more overwhelming when they only exist in our heads. Instead of letting them take up more brain-space than they need to, write a list of everything you plan to achieve this week. Next, label each task according to what you want to do and what you need to do. 

It’s important to note that these tasks should be different. You should have time in your day for things you want to do, not only the things you’re responsible to take care of. Think about what makes these two categories different for you. Not only does this help you filter out tasks that may not need to be done immediately, but it also helps shed light on how much room you’re leaving in your schedule for the things you do for you.

Once you have your two columns, you should be more familiar with which tasks you’re working on today. Now, separate each task in three steps. This helps each goal be specific enough to feel achievable. For example, imagine I told you to bake a pie from scratch, yet gave no instructions on how to do so. Seems a lot more daunting than if I handed you a list of specific ingredients to grab from the fridge, right? Taking tasks step-by-step is more doable.  It not only gives you more items to proudly check off (go you!), but it also lets you make a conscious choice about which tasks require a quarter of your time, and which only need a dime of your energy. 

Remember, you have less than 24 hours to spend, so budget your time wisely. Set aside a specific time gap for each task and be realistic with yourself about how long they’ll take. You’ll be able to mindfully approach your responsibilities and intentionally complete them, rather than feel drowned by them. 

Advocate for yourself 

After you’ve reflected on your daily tasks, ask yourself: Are you happy with what you see? Are you feeling like they’re worth achieving, or are you dreading the work they will take to complete? 

It’s okay to say not yet. It’s okay to reschedule or move around tasks that you don’t feel up to completing right now. It’s not fair to you, however, to believe you’re still missing something and refuse to help yourself achieve it. You don’t deserve that at all. You don’t deserve to wait for someday. 

If there’s something missing, what’s standing in the way of you getting there? Is this something you have the means to change? Is this something you might need to lean on someone else to help with? Are you avoiding letting yourself feel the joy of your endeavors?

It’s time to use your voice. Shout it out: I am worth it. I am brave. I am kind-hearted. As a helping professional, there’s a good chance you’ve been fighting for others for so long that maybe you’ve forgotten to fight for yourself. Say it out loud: I’m a fighter. I am worth fighting for.  

I hope you can see how far you’ve come. You’ve worked tirelessly towards every monumental achievement of yours. Take a moment to reflect on everything you wanted 365 days ago, and how much of it you’ve been able to attain. Think of yourself years ago, decades ago—you’ve grown so much! Let yourself feel really proud. Keep reminding yourself of these facts. Ignoring your accomplishments is a sure way to never notice them. 

On days when it’s harder to notice, give yourself a chance to get better. Tell yourself things like I’m feeling unmotivated right now. I’m upset. I don’t feel like the best version of myself today. Scan your body to see where the pain is coming from. Are you hungry, angry, lonely, or tired (HALT)? Is this something you have the resources to change? Acknowledge the feelings because they exist, they take up space, they’re still parts of you that deserve to be known. Just never give them complete control. 

Your inner critic is a liar. It lives secluded in the darkness of your mind, and when it gets lonely, it makes up stories that it swears are the ultimate truth. But you know better. While it’s impossible for us to think we’ll never hear its loud opinions, we have the power to disarm these thoughts. Strip them of their power over you and take your place as the phenomenal person you are. You’re doing the best you can. 

Remember you’re only human 

Give yourself the grace to be both incredible and beautifully flawed—they coexist more than you know. You will have crummy why-am-I-doing-this days and phenomenal super-therapist days. You’ll have clients who see your insight like gold, and clients who would rather be referred out. It’s part of creating genuine connections, and frankly, just part of being human.

Listen to your body and what it tells you to do. You’ll have days in your never-ending game when you’re tossed the basketball and feel equipped to keep running, and you’ll have days where you’re exhausted, and confused, and feel so sore all-over that you wonder if the game is even worth playing. On those days, take a break. Take a deep breath, stretch your legs, and get yourself ready to keep running. 

The game is yours, and while we can’t control the clock, we can choose which shots to take. We have the power to dictate which parts of our days can take our energy, and which tasks we can leave for another time. We can lean on our teammates for help—we’re not playing this game alone. 

There are crowds of people behind you. Find them. Remember you’re not the only one who cares this much. When it feels like no one in the stands wants you to win, cheer for yourself. Know what you need and communicate that. Notice how far you’ve come and all the beautiful things you hope to keep accomplishing. Give yourself the space to keep dreaming. 

You’re doing way better than you think—I promise.