Assertive Communication Examples
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Providing assertive communication examples to clients is a great way to help them develop their communication skills.
As mental health clinicians, we can use these examples to roleplay different scenarios in session—empowering clients to practice using assertive communication in the workplace, in social settings, or in romantic relationships.
In this article, we provide assertive communication examples, discuss the different types of assertive and non-assertive communication, and include an assertive communication worksheet that you can save to your electronic health record (EHR) and use with clients in session.
What is the assertive communication definition?
There are three different types of communication. It’s important to understand the definitions of all three in order to properly contextualize and understand the assertive communication definition.
The three different types of communication are:
1. Passive communication: Also known as non-assertive communication, this puts the onus on the needs and desires of the person you’re communicating with. Traits might include: speaking quietly or silencing yourself, avoiding eye contact, and being manipulated by others.
2. Assertive communication: Includes clearly communicating needs and wants, while respecting others.
3. Aggressive communication: The person may not listen to others, interrupt them, speak aggressively, disrespect others, or focus on dominating the conversation to get what they want. Traits might include: being easily frustrated, irritated, speaking loudly, and being rigid.
Assertive communication is a style of communication that involves speaking directly, or articulating your points clearly.
Being assertive shouldn’t be confused with being demanding or aggressive. Rather, the assertive communication style is respectful and acknowledges the other person’s point of view, while clearly stating needs and boundaries.
The key elements to remember when communicating assertively include:
- Maintain eye contact
- Be cautious of the tone and volume of your voice, and speak steadily and calmly
- Clearly state your needs and objective of the conversation
- Be willing to both share and receive feedback
- Avoid ambiguity by communicating clearly and directly
- Acknowledge what the other person has shared
- Listen to others without interrupting
- Consistently state and reinforce boundaries without apology
While it may be uncomfortable at first, assertive communication has numerous benefits. It provides a framework to strengthen relationships while treating everyone fairly, and reduces conflict by respecting other people’s points of view.
Plus, a person who can advocate for their own needs likely understands their worth—which is why learning how to assertively communicate can build or reinforce self-confidence.
Assertive communication examples
Below are several assertive communication examples for different scenarios, which can also be found in the downloadable assertive communication worksheet at the top of this article.
Assertive communication in the workplace
Situation: Your boss asks you to complete a new and urgent project by the end of the week, but you already have a full caseload and feel stressed at the idea of piling on more work. You’re already working late, and this could mean working during the weekend to get everything done.
Assertive communication example: “Unfortunately, I’m at maximum capacity right now. I’ve evaluated my current caseload and I’m beyond the full quota, and already working late most nights. Can we revisit this project next week, when my caseload frees up? I should have three of my current cases completed by then.”
Situation: You’ve been asked to work during the weekend, outside your regularly scheduled hours. While you’re usually open to the idea of overtime, you have a wedding to attend this weekend.
Assertive communication example: “I really appreciate you thinking of me for overtime, and usually, I’d jump at the opportunity. Unfortunately, I’ve already committed to attend my sister's wedding this weekend, so I won’t be able to work on this occasion.”
Assertive communication in a romantic relationship
Scenario: Your partner is drinking a lot more than usual and you’ve started to notice that they seem “checked out.” They’re not helping around the house and you’re feeling like you work all day and then come home to clean, cook, and do the laundry by yourself. When you sit down to relax, your partner is passed out on the couch.
Assertive communication example: “I’d like to talk to you about some things I’ve noticed recently that I’m concerned about. I’m feeling like we’re a little distant from each other and when I want to talk to you, you’re asleep on the couch. I’ve also noticed that you’re drinking more than usual. What are you experiencing at the moment, and is there anything I can do to support you?”
Once they have responded, you can say: “I’m feeling overwhelmed when I get home from work because I’m feeling like I am taking care of most of the household chores, like making dinner, cleaning the kitchen, and doing the laundry. Can we talk about ways to share the chores to make things more equitable?”
Assertive communication in a social setting
Scenario: Your friend wants to go out to bars again this weekend, but you’re fed up with drinking every Saturday night, want to do something different, and don’t want to feel ill the rest of the weekend. You’re also concerned about the amount of money you’re spending on alcohol when you’re supposed to be saving up for a deposit on your first home.
Assertive communication example: “Hey, I do love spending time with you on the weekend. However, I need to limit my drinking nights since I’m trying to save up for a home. I also want to try and reduce the amount of alcohol I'm consuming in general. How do you feel about going to the movies or having a night in, at my place, instead?”
Assertive vs. non-assertive communication examples
Here are some examples of assertive vs. non-assertive communication:
Scenario #1
Your brother asks to borrow some money, but you’re worried they won’t pay it back as they have a habit of forgetting to do so when you’ve given them money in the past.
Non-assertive/passive communication: “I guess. How much do you want? Do you need me to go to the ATM right now?”
Aggressive communication: “Ha, no way. You’re always borrowing money and you waste it on stupid stuff. I’m surprised you’re stupid enough to ask. Do you think I’m crazy?”
Assertive communication: “No. I don’t feel comfortable lending you money.”
Scenario #2
You’re at a coffee shop and the server gives you the wrong drink and overcharges you.
Non-assertive/passive communication: “Is this for me?” Then, you take the drink without saying anything.
Aggressive communication: “Erm, what the hell is this? I didn’t order this, and I can’t believe you had the nerve to overcharge me too. You better refund me right away. What a joke!”
Assertive communication: “This isn’t the drink I ordered. I ordered [X]. I also noticed that you overcharged me by [amount], when my drink should’ve cost [amount]. Can you please remake it, and refund the overcharge?”
How to use the assertive communication worksheet with clients
You can use the assertive communication PDF with clients in session, or virtually as a whiteboard activity.
Depending on the modality you use, you may suggest using the assertive communication examples PDF when you notice a pattern of passive communication.
If your approach is more client-led, you may wait until the client asks for help on how to confront someone or be more effective in their communication. Then, you can share the assertive communication worksheet with them to practice coming up with assertive communication responses.
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