Gaslighting Warning Signs Worksheet
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Looking for a gaslighting worksheet to share with clients in therapy? Therapists can use gaslighting warning signs worksheets to support clients in overcoming abusive relationships.
This article includes a free downloadable gaslighting warning signs worksheet along with examples of different ways to respond, gaslighting examples, and red flags to watch out for.
What are the red flags of gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a term used to describe emotional abuse that has gained fairly recent popularity.
In 2022, Merriam Webster named gaslighting as the word of the year after a 1,740% increase of people looking up the term that year. They define gaslighting as: “The act or practice of grossly misleading someone especially for one’s own advantage.”
The word originates from a 1938 play called “Gas Light,” in which a man tries to psychologically manipulate his wife to believe she was “going insane.” In the play, the husband is doing something untoward in the attic, which causes the house lights to dim. When his wife makes remarks about the lights, the husband denies that they dimmed, leading her to question her reality.
In the context of this kind of deception, Merriam Webster further defines the term by adding that the effects of the psychological manipulation over a period of time causes the person to “question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories, and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one's emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator.”
Gaslighting often happens in romantic relationships and is considered domestic abuse.
However, any person, in any relationship dynamic, can gaslight someone else.
For instance, an employer or manager may gaslight an employee or a family member may psychologically manipulate a sibling.
The red flags, or warning signs, of gaslighting—which are also included in the gaslighting worksheet—include:
- Manipulating the facts/reality leading you to question reality and feel confused.
- Denying a situation occurred or that something was said.
- Minimizing or trivializing your concerns.
- Lying about situations or factual information.
- Sabotage, like hiding your keys to prevent you from leaving the house.
- Withholding affection or information. They may even avoid having a conversation about an issue you have.
- Discrediting you or others by suggesting you’re forgetful or confused.
- Undermining the other person, such as taking over a project at work.
- Incongruence between words and actions.
- Distracting you by changing the subject.
- Projection of their actions and behavior onto you.
- Telling you that you are “crazy” or other abusive terms.
- Baiting/antagonizing you to react and then criticizing your reaction.
- Making threats to the relationship.
- Trying to turn others against you.
10 examples of gaslighting
Common gaslighting phrases include:
- “I didn't think it was that much of a big deal.”
- “That’s not what happened—you’re imagining things.”
- “I was trying to help you.”
- “You're overthinking it.”
- “I was only joking. Calm down.”
- “Why are you so emotional?”
- “You’re lying to me.”
- “If you don't X, then the relationship is over.”
- “X thinks you are overreacting, too.”
- “Let’s talk about X instead.”
How to help clients shut down gaslighting
When supporting clients in abusive relationships, they may mention feeling undermined, questioning their reality, feeling confused, and struggling with low self-esteem.
In these cases, clients can benefit from education and skill development. For example, you can provide clients with a gaslighting warning signs worksheet for psychoeducation about what gaslighting is and warning signs to watch out for.
With the awareness that they are a survivor of abuse, your client may take action. They might ask “what do you say to shut down gaslighting?” or even “how do you outsmart a gaslighter?”
While it may not be possible—or even desirable—to outsmart someone who gaslights others, it is possible to respond in a way that limits the abuse.
For instance, these responses may help:
- Use assertive communication strategies, such as “I” statements.
- Take notes to keep an accurate record of what was said and agreed to.
- Acknowledge your feelings.
- Set appropriate boundaries.
- Confront lying: While it may not be helpful to confront someone who gaslights you, it is possible to challenge a lie, especially if you have proof.
- Take a step back: Sometimes, it may be necessary to take time away from the person to get some perspective.
- Don’t be afraid to assert your version of events. This is where notes are especially helpful.
- Seek support from others, particularly if they can corroborate events or be a witness to a meeting.
- Familiarize yourself with the cycle of abuse.
- Get professional support.
How to use the gaslighting warning signs worksheet
The gaslighting warning signs worksheet contains the major warning signs of gaslighting to watch out for, including examples of common gaslighting phrases.
The gaslighting worksheet can help therapists support their clients in many ways:
- As a whiteboard tool in virtual sessions.
- To provide psychoeducation about gaslighting.
- As a prompt to discuss common phrases their perpetrator uses.
- To process emotional abuse.
- As part of treatment planning.
- To provide or send to clients as a handout.
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