“I” Statements Worksheet
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Whether you provide individual therapy or couples therapy, assertive communication is a skill that all clients may benefit from for navigating conflicts.
This guide to using “I” statements in therapy provides helpful “I” statement examples to model with clients, explains the difference between “I” statements and “you” statements, and includes a free downloadable “I” statements worksheet to save for future use in your electronic health record (EHR).
What is assertive communication and how can it help clients?
Being assertive in communication involves skillfully expressing your feelings or needs directly, while respecting the other person.
Using assertive communication techniques, like “I” statements, can minimize the potential for conflict because you are not criticizing or blaming others or engaging in passive communication, which tends to use “you” statements.
Passive communication is allowing others to assert their opinions, while thinking that your opinion doesn’t matter or that the other people’s opinions are more important than yours.
For example, when people use the word “just” when making a request—such as when saying: “I’m just asking for…”—it minimizes the importance of their communication.
This may elicit less responsiveness or a less immediate prioritization by the recipient. Another example is saying “My feelings don’t matter…” in a conversation.
Demonstrating assertive communication strategies in sessions can help clients in several ways:
- Provides a framework to deal with a challenging situation or intimidating personality, such as a supervisor
- Promotes self-advocacy and enforces boundaries
- Asserts your needs
- Can help to reach a compromise in a situation of conflict
- Promotes confidence and self-esteem by communicating your point of view
“I” statements vs. “you” statements
Like passive communication, “you” statements are not an effective communication style, as they can often be confrontational. They typically involve commenting on or criticizing the other person’s thoughts, behavior, and character.
For example, “you” statements might include:
- “You don’t care about my feelings. If you did, you wouldn’t leave your mess everywhere for me to pick up all the time.”
- “Why don’t you ever listen to what I say? You must really hate me.”
Conversely, by using “I” statements, you treat people equally. “I” statements assert the points of view and feelings of the person speaking, while avoiding commenting on the other person. This shows respect for the other person’s needs and opinions, and gives everyone the opportunity to feel heard.
“I” statements also allow the speaker to take ownership of their thoughts and feelings, as that is the extent of their control. For example, a person cannot read their partner’s mind, so it's unhelpful to make assumptions about their behavior.
“I” statement examples
There are various ways to demonstrate the use of “I” statements in therapy. Some clinicians may find it helpful to use an “I” statements worksheet as a visual aid to support the therapeutic process.
Worksheets also allow the client to roleplay “I” statement practice scenarios, or for the clinician to illustrate “I” statement examples. Clients can also take the worksheet home with them for further practice.
“I” statement examples include:
- “I feel unheard, can we talk?”
- “I am feeling anxious about this event coming up tonight. Can we talk about expectations?”
- “I’m feeling tender and would love to talk about ways I might appreciate feeling loved.”
- “I feel overwhelmed with work and household responsibilities. Can we talk about getting some extra help?”
- “I’m worried about your college grades, and I am wondering if we can talk about how I can support your study habits?”
- “I feel loved when you kiss me before going to work every day. I’d really enjoy it if we could do that every day.”
How to use the “I” statements worksheet
The “I” statements worksheet helps guide clients through assertive communication using the “I” statement.
Directions:
- Guide the client through the “I” statements worksheet, providing psychoeducation about “I” statements and assertive communication, using the examples in the table.
- Provide an opportunity for the client to use the blank table and formula to write their own statements.
- Give them an opportunity to roleplay their statements and offer feedback.
You can download the “I” statements worksheet PDF to share with clients in session or provide as homework for them to complete on their own.
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